


safe

by Lapin



Series: fire-bird [3]
Category: The Magnificent Seven (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:09:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24615061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lapin/pseuds/Lapin
Summary: He liked smoking tobacco the first time, but it’s different now. It tastes wrong, and doesn’t feel the same. Probably a good thing, since he can’t buy them. He gives it back to Billy instead of leaving it on the driveway though, figuring he’ll smoke the rest of it eventually. And he doesn’t want to leave it. This neighborhood is pristine. It’s weird.“Is he happy here?” It’s a stupid question.The world turns and changes, but some things stay, good and bad.
Relationships: Goodnight Robicheaux/Billy Rocks, Red Harvest/Teddy Q
Series: fire-bird [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1773862
Comments: 15
Kudos: 78





	safe

“So you won’t run track next year?” 

“I didn’t like it anyway,” Teddy answers. He sounds fine with it. Red’s not sure he should be. 

This is a nice house. Red doesn’t know why he expected different; Teddy’s moms in this life are a lawyer and a doctor. Even back the first time, they would have had a nice house, with those jobs. Except no, they wouldn’t have. They’re women. They couldn’t have been a doctor or a lawyer, he thinks. “Could women be doctors?” he asks. “The first time?”

Beside him in the bed, Teddy stretches, gets his head further up under Red’s chin. “Not really. But I did know one. Least, we called her a doctor. She stitched up my side once, when I was a kid. But we were Quakers. We were different.” Red feels him exhale, move again, maybe turning up towards Red. “Why?”

“Wondering.” He moves too, adjusting his arm. They really shouldn’t lay here like this for too long. His arm will fall asleep. But Teddy’s been back here in Colorado for two months. That’s too long now, for Red. They can stay like this, just for a little longer. “Are they mad? Your moms?”

“About what, track? No. They never liked me doing it anyway. Takes up a lot of time.” He’s tapping his fingers against Red’s stomach now, the motion light through his tee shirt. “Besides that, Mama doesn’t like the coach, and he doesn’t like her. He called her up, when I missed spring training, and Mom says they ended up screaming at each other. So I don’t think I’d be running track anyway.” 

Red doesn’t really know how any of that works. He wasn’t interested in school sports. Or really anything to do with school. Fuck that shit. The only reason he’d even shown up as much as he had was so he wouldn’t get shipped off back to the damn reservation. 

He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t go back. He’d died before getting sent to one, the last time. And this time, through some kind of fucking cruelty, he was born on one. Alone. That wasn’t fair. He at least got to die with his horse. 

“See, I know you’re thinking about something serious,” Teddy says, spreading his palm flat on Red’s stomach. “Want to know how I know?” 

“My breathing changes,” Red says, smiling. “You told me before.” 

Told him before, over a hundred years ago. Different house, different bed. But just like this. Just like this, in that little room, where Red could touch him how he wanted to. That house wasn’t as nice. Neither was the bed. They’d always had to be so quiet. Not because their family didn’t know, or because Red thought any of them would even care, but because of how Teddy was. He couldn’t stand it when Vasquez teased him. 

They don’t have to be quiet now. There’s no one else home in this big house. It’s Friday, and Teddy’s moms are at work. Billy took Goody off to show him some restaurant he likes back here. But the neighborhood itself is so quiet. There’s no animals, no gravel roads. No children, everyone still at school. If there are other neighbors, Red didn’t see them when they got here this morning. It’s strange. 

“It’s quiet,” he says out loud. “Everything is too quiet here.” 

“It’s the suburbs,” Teddy replies, putting some emphasis on the word. “Or close enough. That’s how it always is, around here. Used to drive Billy crazy. He’d get it in his head we needed to go out, do something. I think he just thrives on trouble, because that’s what he always ended up finding.” He sits up a little, on his elbow. “Or should I say _we_ , ‘cause of course I ended up in it, too.” He smiles, pushes his hair back. There are pink lines on his face, from where it was pressed into his skin. 

“You could just say _no_.” 

“If I said _no_ to every bad idea that came my way, I’d never have met you,” Teddy says, grabbing his phone off the bedside table to check it. “And then where would we be?” 

He has a point. Red reaches up, rubbing his hand into Teddy’s side. If Teddy had just said no, that first time, when it was raining, maybe none of it would ever have happened. Maybe he never would have been seen as important enough to Red for those men to use him as their revenge. 

Doesn’t matter, he guesses. That was that life, over a hundred years ago. They have this life now, and new problems. Not as dire, maybe, but still real. And he’s still just as important to Red. 

Just as important, and just the same, even now. Even now, he looks at Red like no one else ever did, then or now. He never could figure out why Teddy loved him so much, that first time. Why he still loves him.

“Why are you making that face?” he asks Red, now. “Don’t. Wherever your head’s at, don’t, alright? It’s a good day.” He climbs on top of Red, straddling him, so Red sits up too, kissing him. “It’s a good day.” He cups Red’s face, smiling at him. “My moms are going to be happy to see Billy. They’re going to like Goody. And you. And then I’m going to go back to New Mexico with you, for the whole summer.” 

That is something to be happy about. He’s coming back with them, and he’ll stay. Not forever, not yet, but he’ll stay for months this time, not just two weeks. That’s all Red’s gotten so far, this time. Just two weeks, then back here for two months. Red’s gotten two weeks and today.

It’s not enough time. But there will be more. He knows that. “When are you going to tell them about me?” 

“After the summer, maybe. When it looks good on paper.” That makes more sense, because they definitely don’t right now. “I’ll figure it out.” He climbs back off of Red, leaving him on the bed. 

This bedroom is so big. It’s at least as big as the living room back home. Big enough for this bed, and a desk, even a wooden futon under the window, folded up to a couch, and still with plenty of room to walk around. 

“Do you really want to come?” It’s a question he needs to ask. “There’s not much down there.” Not like here. There’s a lot here. A lot more. “You won’t miss your friends?” 

Teddy laughs, almost. “Billy’s been my only real friend. Everyone else...I have a hard time relating to them.” He turns, so he’s looking at Red again, his back to the dresser. “It’s not just because of all of this, either.” No question about what _this_ is. “This is a pretty liberal area, relatively speaking, but I was still the adopted kid with two moms. That’s not always fun. And it’s a transracial adoption, which has its own whole minefield.” He shrugs. “When kids don’t understand things, they can get nasty. And their parents are usually worse. Sometimes the teachers are too. One time, my mom came in for a parent-teacher conference, and my history teacher wouldn’t talk to her. Told her my ‘real mom’ had to come.” 

He doesn’t seem all that upset about it, but that’s how he’s always been, in Red’s experience. Other people get mad; Teddy gets quiet. Even when they would have arguments, back then, Teddy would never get really angry. Just quiet. Would walk away, wait for things to settle. Sometimes that would piss Red off even more.

But it’s just how he is. 

Teddy shrugs, in the here and now. “Billy’s the only person who’s ever understood me. So really, it’s been pretty lonely without him.”

“What about that guy?” Red asks, feeling like he’s pushing for a fight even now, though he doesn’t know why. “Jamaal?” The one who’s always commenting on Teddy’s photos. 

“He’s a friend, I guess,” Teddy says, looking at Red in a funny way. “Wants to be something more.” Yeah, Red’s worked that one out on his own. “Why are you asking about him?” Red just shrugs. He doesn’t know why he’s doing this, questioning something he already knows the answer to. “Are you jealous?” 

“Maybe,” he answers. “I don’t know.” 

“Yeah, well, I’m not playing this game. Whatever it is.” He keeps looking at Red though, not angry. Confused. “What’s going on with you? You’ve been weird since you all got here.”

He knows. He knows he’s been weird. But seeing this house, this has made something real for him that wasn’t before. “You have a life here.” One that doesn’t have anything to do with Red, or the rest of them. “A real one.” 

“I had one the first time, too,” Teddy says, sounding somewhat defensive. “But then Bogue happened. Changed everything. Including me.” He’s got something in his hand; a pedant of some kind, that he puts around his neck. “I’m still that person, even in this life. It’s not really a bad thing, or a good thing. Just is what it is. I make the best of things, much as I can.” He looks around the room, then sits back down on the bed with Red. “I know I got lucky. Ending up here. With my moms.”

Looks pretty lucky to Red. A nice house, parents that want him, love him. It’s a good life. 

But Teddy still says, “I remembered all of you. I missed you. Red, I really missed you.” He rests his head on Red’s shoulder. “You said you didn’t so good without me. Red, I missed you so much.” 

“There’s a difference,” Red says, still turning his head so he can kiss Teddy’s hair. “I was alone.” 

“Don’t,” he insists. “Don’t start this. I don’t know what you’re trying to do, but I’m starting to think it’s something I won’t like.” 

“I ruined your life, the first time.” He _ended_ his life, the first time.

“This isn’t then, so stop it, alright? There ain’t no one at war with the Comanche, and times have changed. Everything’s changed.” Without warning, he pulls back, grabbing Red by the chin and forcing him to look at Teddy. “Except me. And you. And how I feel about you.” 

Red doesn’t want to question that. He doesn’t know why he is. Some stupid thing he can’t define, that makes him feel like he’s still doing something wrong. That this is a bad idea, somehow. But he can’t let him go, either. He loves him. “Pretty sure you were scared of me, the first time we met.” 

“That doesn’t count,” Teddy says, sitting back on his hands. “And I did think you were handsome, after you washed that paint off your face.” 

That brings back a memory, one he hasn’t considered in a long time. Teddy was the one who had brought up a pitcher of water and a bowl to the room he was sleeping in, back in Rose Creek. The serving girls had been too scared of him, and the rest of them really, to come near him. Red didn’t blame them; they’d all been little girls, maybe twelve or so. They’d probably never seen anyone kill a man before, much less as many as they had. No, it had been Teddy that had brought them all up water, and rags. Asked them if they needed anything else.

“I thought you were Emma’s brother,” Red says, remembering. “Or her husband’s.” It was the only way it had made sense to him, why Teddy was willing to do what none of the other men in town would.

“I was, in our way.” He smiles, a small kind, looking over at nothing. “I ever tell you how I met Matthew?”

Out of everything they’ve ever talked about, that’s something they stayed away from. They’d been close, Red had been able to figure out that much, but Teddy had never talked about him, not the way Emma had. Grief can be like that though, so Red had let the subject rest. 

Now though, Matthew Cullen is alive and well. He’s nice. Friendly. Seems to make Emma happy. So he shakes his head. Because Matthew’s alive, so maybe Teddy can talk about him now. 

“I had to save him from getting his ass kicked,” Teddy says, sounding fond. “We were like, sixteen, both of us, or thereabouts. See, Matthew and me, we ended up around the same height, in the end, but back then, he was still pretty short. He was still mouthy though. Matthew saw a wrong, he had to make it right. Got him in trouble. He’d pissed off these two old horse wranglers, that time. I barely knew him, he’d just been hired on, but I knew them. They wouldn’t have seen anything wrong with killing him.”

“Why’d you help?” Red’s not sure he would have. Probably not. He never really got involved in that kind of thing. Good way for him to end up in a noose. 

Teddy shrugs. “I don’t know, because I was stupid. I guess I liked him. And the horse wranglers, they liked me well enough. Backed off when they realized I would make a scene, in any case. I was the horse master’s favorite, and his wife’s too. They knew they couldn’t beat me and get away with it. And I told Matthew to keep his damn mouth shut.” 

Considering how that ended, Red guesses he never took that lesson to heart. But there were worse things to be than the kind of man who stood up for others. “Why’d you stick with him?” He knew that much, even the first time, but he thinks he learned it from Emma. 

“I don’t know the answer to that one, either. Hell, I don’t know why I do anything I do.” He pushes on Red, lightly, but he lets himself fall back down on the bed anyway. “I was never accused of being overly-bright, though. Think I just liked that he was my friend. I didn’t have any of those, not until him.” 

Red frowns, but he understands. He didn’t have any friends either, until he met Sam Chisolm. And he’d followed Sam until he wasn’t there to be followed anymore. There just didn’t seem to be any reason not to. Sam was always looking out for him, and Red had needed that. Wanted it, even when he couldn’t admit it. 

Wanting things was just another way to be disappointed in life, that first time. By the time he’d met Sam, and everyone, he was long past allowing himself to want. All he’d been doing was surviving. Rose Creek was the first time he’d let himself want, or even feel, in so long. 

It had been something about Sam. How matter-of-fact he was about the whole thing. Like it was normal, to want to help people he didn’t even know. To do everything he could to stop a man like Bogue. That’s how Sam is, though. 

If it hadn’t been for Sam, Red thinks he would have ended up a much worse sort of man.

But Sam had found something in Red he’d thought was dead, and woken it back up. He’d given Red trust, and loyalty. He’d made the world a little safer for him. Safe enough he had let himself want again. With Sam, and Vasquez, and Emma, in that clapboard house, Red had felt he could want things, and have them. He could have a home. 

And this man, here. Red could want him, and have him. 

“I want you with me,” Red admits out loud. “I just don’t want you to lose anything this time.” Because he had. Teddy had lost everything because Red had loved him back. 

“I’m not losing anything,” he insists. “Over the summer, I’ll fall in love with the ranch, with the lifestyle, with New Mexico. With you.” He punctuates that with a kiss, Red letting him. “It’s an old story, Red. Older than us. My moms will believe it. They won’t like it, but they’ll believe it. And they’ll just come down and visit. Or I’ll come up here. They’ll get used to it.” 

That sounds alright. But Red still looks around the room, comparing it with his own back on the ranch. He’s never minded living rough; he was used to it. Before Sam, it was usually just Red and his horse. Not the one Teddy had called Elsie. He’d left his people with a different horse. He’d never called her anything. She didn’t need a name. She was his horse, and she came when he whistled. The one after her had been the same. Elsie had been his last horse, in that life, and he’d only called her that because Teddy had. 

Just him and his horse, and horses didn’t care where they slept. He’d spent a lot of time living in the hills, away from other people. He couldn’t stay in towns anyway, even if he had liked people more. Most of them had laws about Indians.

After Bogue, after Rose Creek, he’d liked having a bed. Still likes that, even if he doesn’t always use it. There’s not much else in the room but the bed though. Maybe he should have let Vasquez buy him a TV.

He’s already done some stuff though, to make it more lived in. “Got new sheets,” he offers. There wasn’t anything wrong with the old ones, they were just old. It wasn’t like Red had cared. He didn’t care then, at least. 

“Don’t tell me you actually went to a store?” He’s just teasing, but it’s fair. Red doesn’t like stores. Or anywhere with a lot of people. 

“Sam went with me.” It’s some kind of leftover anxiety, or something. He wasn’t really ever allowed in stores or shops that first time, and even now, when he goes in alone, there’s an itch under his skin, like he’s waiting to get shouted at and forced out. “Got curtains, too.” 

“Yeah, you definitely needed those.” 

Red smiles. “I do listen to you.” Not like he’d had a choice; the blinds didn’t do much for the sun in his room, since it faced east, and the light had woken Teddy up that first morning in New Mexico. He hadn’t been happy. And since he’d been pressed up against Red, Red had heard about it. 

But it had been so good to wake up with him again, Red really hadn’t cared. 

“Cleaned out half the dresser.” Well, sort of. He didn’t really own a lot of clothes. He’d folded his though, made sure there was room. “What are you bringing?” 

“Hm? Oh, just clothes, my laptop, my tablet too, because Billy will steal one of them when he gets pissed off at the one my moms gave him, so I need a back-up -”

That tracks. “He steals Goody’s. He stole my fucking paint markers.” That pissed Red off; he can’t buy those on his own yet, so he has to wait for Josh or Jack to pick more up for him. Billy’s fucking eighteen, he can get his own. 

Teddy waves him off. “Yeah, he’s like a magpie. It’s normally just food, usually mine, or cigarettes, or whatever shiny catches his eye.” He pokes Red in the shoulder. “I’ll get him to buy you some more.” 

“Should have told him to do it before they left.” He can hear a car in the driveway. They better have remembered to bring something back for them. Red’s hungry. “You should bring boots. I’ll take you up into the cliffs.” They used to do that, when they could. Take the horses out, go up into the hills. 

It wasn’t just so they could be alone. Up in the hills was about the only place they could take Faraday’s psycho horse. Red’s never hated a horse before or since that one. Wild Jack had hated him too, and made no secret of it. “Think Eowyn and West River will let me near you.” Wild Jack had not liked it, that was for sure. That horse had been crazy. 

Teddy shakes his head. “I think Eowyn is in love with you, so good luck with that.” He considers Red for a second, then says, “So I guess that makes you Faramir, don’t it?”

“Fuck off.” Teddy’s laughing at him, so Red says it again, more firmly. “You and fucking Faraday, you can both fuck off.”

“Language,” a strange voice interjects. 

The first time, no one had ever managed to get the drop on him. That was a good way to have a short life. But that’s not something he usually has to worry about now, not in the same way. So in this time, he hadn’t noticed that it wasn’t Billy and Goody who had come into the house, or heard this woman making her way down the hall. 

She’s standing in the doorway now. Short woman, with dark, curly hair pulled back in a bun, in a suit and heels, looking at the both of them. “Theo? Who’s this?” 

Teddy looks at him first, then back at her. 

This isn’t so bad. They haven’t been caught doing anything. They’re just sitting on the bed. Too close, maybe, but if one of them moves, that’ll be more suspicious. Red already knows this game. They played it pretty well, last time. 

So he stays still. Waits. 

“Mama, this is Red Harvest. Red. He’s from the ranch. He came up with Billy.” This one is Ruth. Red remembers that much, and the other one is Wendy. Ruth is the lawyer. The one he’s got to worry about, if she gets it into her head to start looking closely at him, and she’s friends with a judge. There’s just….a lot, if someone’s looking, and they don’t understand the situation. “Red, this is my Mama, Ruth.” 

He nods at her, not sure what to say. 

“Right,” she says. “Your name came up when Wendy had me look into things down there. You’re the owner’s nephew, or something, right?” 

“Or something,” he replies. “They’re my legal guardians. The owners.” 

Ruth nods, but she’s making the face people make when they’re surprised but don’t want to show it. There’s the curiosity he’s used to, too. She wants to ask, but she won’t. Not yet, at least. Instead, she says, “So you and Billy have gotten close? That’s good. Seemed like Theo was his only real friend, up here.” 

That’s easy to believe. Billy is a lot like Red, in some ways. Neither of them dislike other people, not really. It’s just hard. To know what to say, how to act. They’re not like most people, weren’t the first time either. 

He’s supposed to say something to that, he realizes, a beat too far past normal. “Billy’s cool.” 

“Yeah, we think so, too,” she says. Fuck, he knows that look she’s giving Teddy. She knows something is up. “Red Harvest, huh? That’s quite a name.” 

It always has been. But people comment on it more, this time around. He’s never had anything to say about it, in either time, though. It’s just his name. 

When he doesn’t say anything this time though, she lets it go. “Theo, can you help me get some bags out of the car? I stopped by the grocery store.” 

“Yeah, no problem,” Teddy says, getting up and following her. He looks over his shoulder at Red though, smiling. 

_Fuck_. She doesn’t need any help, Red can guess that. She wants to know who the fuck he is and why he’s in Teddy’s bedroom, sitting on his bed. Neither of his moms were supposed to be home this early. 

He grabs his phone and texts Goody, warning him. The reply comes quick, telling him they’re almost back. That’s something at least. If anyone can talk their way out of this, it’s Goody. And the woman will be happy to see Billy, at least. 

After a minute, he texts Josh too, and almost immediately gets a text back. _Use words. And full sentences._ Fuck him, like Red didn’t already know that. The next one is a little more helpful. _Talk about vo-tech and the horses. You sound normal then._ Yeah, Red can talk about those things. It’s boring, but he can talk about them. 

He just needs to look good for a day. Then they’ll leave. They’ll go home, and it’ll all be fine. 

Through the open door, he can hear the echoes of Teddy and Ruth talking. Not enough to work out what they’re saying, but he’s not sure if he should go join them. This room feels different without Teddy in it, though. Like he shouldn’t be here. Not exactly a new feeling for him. He feels this way everywhere that isn’t the ranch.

Quietly, he goes down to the kitchen, listening, in case they’re talking about him. Doesn’t seem to be the case; he hears something about dinner. No, wait, is it about him. 

“He doesn’t eat that kind of thing,” Teddy is telling her. That has to be about him. “Don’t worry about it, Mama, I’ll cook.”

“Who doesn’t like pasta?” 

“He doesn’t,” Teddy replies easily, and yeah, that’s about Red. He doesn’t like pasta, of pretty much any kind. “And Goody’s not big on it either.” 

Red taps his knuckles on the wall, so Teddy knows he’s there. He looks over at him, smiles, and goes back to putting away groceries. It’s still new, in a good way, to see him so young. They’re still the same height, but Teddy’s thinner than he was, still built like a teenager, not a grown man who’s spent his life working outside. His face is the same though, for the most part. A little softer, maybe. Same eyes. 

He loves looking at him. Seeing that face again, the one he’d always looked for first when he’d come home to that house, it does the same thing it did then. It centers him, makes him feel safe. 

He looks somewhere else now, though. It’s not smart to get caught looking too long. 

That’s when Goody and Billy walk in the door, Goody carrying a take-out bag. It’s a relief, to have them there to take the attention off of him. Ruth is excited to see Billy, taking off towards him, her heels clicking on the tiles, hugging him tight when she gets to him. “Look at you,” she crows, going on and on about whatever changes she sees in him. 

Billy introduces her to Goody, and she definitely looks surprised, but she goes with it. Teddy had told Red that his moms had thought there was something between Teddy and Billy, and while that makes sense, that doesn’t mean Red had liked hearing it. He’s not jealous, has no reason to be. More like envy, that Billy’s had time with him. 

“We brought you something to eat,” Goody says to him, holding up the bag. “Figured you’d be hungry by now.” There’s an insinuation there, one Goody could make at home with no problem, but not a good idea here. He catches himself without Red having to so much as look at him though. “What with you not letting us stop for breakfast.” He looks over his shoulder at Ruth. “Red’s here has certain standards when it comes to food.” 

“Apparently,” she says, looking at Red again, then back to Billy. 

He just doesn’t eat junk, is all. Can’t really. “Thanks,” he says out loud, taking the bag. It smells good, and yeah, he’s hungry. “Have fun?” 

“It was nice, seeing Billy’s old stomping grounds. Thank you for trusting us with the truck.” He sticks his hands in his back pockets, raising his eyebrows at Red. “Must say though, I am already missing home. Might not even complain about my chores.”

“I’ve never seen you do chores,” Red replies, walking around him and looking in the bag. The restaurant had packed up plastic utensil packs too, but Red’s not sure where he can sit down with the food. The kitchen has a table, but he can see another one through a walkway, in what must be a dining room. 

He holds up the bag, catching Teddy’s eye, and he understands. “Kitchen table,” he directs. “Give me a second.” 

Ruth excuses herself to go change out of her work clothes while Teddy’s washing up, and once the sound of her heels disappears, he leans over Red, kissing him. “She thinks you’re very handsome.” 

That’s not reassuring. She wouldn’t point out that she’d noticed unless she was suspicious, of either Teddy, him, or both of them. 

Fuck, he just wants to take Teddy and go _home_. But he can’t. It doesn’t even make sense. This is Teddy’s home. Partly Billy’s too, if the way he acts in here is any indication. Letting himself in, looking through the fridge now, complaining about what’s in there. Teddy says something to him, but Red doesn’t catch it, the sound of the bag drowning it out. 

He knew coming up here was a risk; Billy had said him and Goody could do it on their own, but Red’s the only one with a real driver’s license. Billy and Goody don’t. And everyone else back home had to work. It was all just excuses though. Red had wanted to see Teddy badly enough he’d justified it to himself. 

Stupid thing to do. He knows it, but he still doesn’t care. He doesn’t care, because Teddy is leaning against his chair now, his palm on the back of Red’s neck, rubbing the spot while he talks to Billy. He used to do it the first time. Never where anyone might see, but when it was just them, usually on the porch, when Red would fletch arrows or sharpen his knives. 

Red’s missed him. Even just in this time, when he’s only been up here, it’s been too long. 

“Hey,” Goody says, with a significant look towards the hall. Just in time, Teddy drops his hand, steps away, as Ruth reappears. The heels are gone. She’s even shorter without them, only coming up to Billy’s chin when she stands beside him. 

She’s fussing with his hair, pushing his long bangs back. “I’m not saying I hate it, but if it was just cleaned up a little...you could go to Wendy’s stylist, she knows how to cut your kind of hair.” 

“Doesn’t her hair cost like, two hundred dollars?” Billy asks, through a mouthful of yogurt. 

“Okay, A, I would pay for it, and B, don’t talk with your mouth full.” She clucks him under the chin as she says it, shutting his mouth. “We’ll call it a belated birthday present.” 

“You bought me a cell phone,” Billy argues. 

“She’s not going to let up,” Teddy warns him. “Mostly because it’s Mom’s idea.” 

“Shit,” Billy curses, then apologizes when Ruth looks at him. “Fine, whatever. I like it long, though.” 

“And I’d like it long, too, if it didn’t have so many split ends. They don’t have conditioner in New Mexico?” She eyes Red, but he doesn’t know why, until she says, “Look at his hair. He takes care of it.” Red’s not sure he can be lauded for that. Raven buys his hair stuff. And when he’d shown up at the ranch, back when he was sixteen, the first thing she’d done was trim his hair, complaining about _split-ends_. “I’ll call and confirm the appointment.” 

While Goody laughs, Red watches as the realization comes over Billy’s face. “‘Confirm’ sounds like you already made one.” 

“It does, doesn’t it?” She’s still looking at Red. He’s not doing anything interesting. Just eating. “So, everyone just calls you Red?” He nods. Jack calls him ‘Red Harvest’, most of the time, and Raven does sometimes, but it’s mostly true. “How old are you, again?”

“Seventeen.” 

“So you’ll be a senior next year?” She means school.

He looks at Goody, asking for help, and Goody comes through. “Red here is a little too smart for your average high school, which I sympathized with. My daddy had me with tutors before I even hit middle school. So when I moved out to New Mexico, I got Red into the home-schooling program I was in. He’s already ready to graduate. But he’s smarter than me, got into a vo-tech program too. All I do is paint.” He pulls out his phone, shows Ruth some picture. “Can’t say he doesn’t have talent in that arena too, though. He helped me with this.” 

It must be the barn, because she takes the phone, looking closer. “That’s beautiful. How long did it take the two of you?” 

The barn did turn out beautiful. Goody had taken Red’s direction with the execution, and they’d both been happy with it. It had reminded Red of other things, when it was done. Things from before, from the last time. The way the women used to paint their homes, the way his masters had shown him how to paint his horse, his body. 

The people who had come out and taken pictures of it for that feature, they’d brought that up. Goody had said they’d wanted to talk to him, but Red hadn’t. Couldn’t. Goody had made up some statement for him, and they’d printed that. It had been important to Goody, to get his name out there. Hoping for Billy to find him. 

It’s all worked out. Helps that Goody has such a weird fucking name. 

He’s thinking about that because Ruth has brought it up. 

“It’s not a nickname? Your parents named you _Goodnight_?” 

Goody nods, and pulls out his wallet, showing her his ID. “Goodnight Valentin Robicheaux. I was born on Valentine’s Day. My mama thought that was romantic.” 

“We named Theo after Theodore Roethke,” Ruth says, reaching out and putting her hand on Teddy’s shoulder. “Wendy and me met in college, you see, in American Literature. We were paired up, and assigned him. She absolutely hated every second of the class; she had to take it for the credit. But he’s what brought us together, so…” She bends over, and kisses Teddy’s temple. “We thought it was only fitting we named Theo for him.”

“That’s sweet,” Goody says, and looks at Billy. “Billy and me both love Shakespeare.”

“I don’t suggest Romeo or Juliet as baby names,” Ruth replies. “‘Beatrice’ might be nice. Not that you two need to be thinking about children any time soon.” 

Red’s never thought about that. Children. He’s not all that interested in the idea now, but he wonders how Teddy feels about them. The first time, that was never an option. Both because of how he is, and how things were. He wasn’t going to bring more children like him into that world, more Comanche children to get killed or rounded up onto a reservation. 

This time is different. Maybe that is an option this time. 

They have a future, this time. Him and Teddy. A real one. 

When Billy goes outside to smoke, Red goes with him. He doesn’t smoke cigarettes in this life, not often, but he takes one when Billy offers it. They sit in silence on the tail of the truck, Red watching the neighborhood. It’s later now, and there are some people out. Less people than there would be back at home, when Red goes to visit Vas and Josh. Different economic levels, or something. Poor people go outside. 

After a few minutes, Billy says, “She’s not stupid. And you think Ruth is bad, wait until you meet Wendy.” He takes a hit. “Ruth knows something is up.” Red’s already worked that out. She keeps asking him questions. “I don’t know if she’ll tell Wendy, though.” 

“Why wouldn’t she?” 

Billy shrugs. “Ruth is the ‘fun’ parent. And if I had to guess, Wendy had something of a wild youth. She says things, sometimes. She’s paranoid that Teddy is going to snap and do something crazy. And she’s protective.” He looks at Red. “Then again, it’s Teddy. He needs it.” 

That’s not untrue, but Red doesn’t have to like it. “Goody’s not any better.” 

“Fair,” Billy agrees. Then, “I looked out for him, you know. Colorado is only a liberal paradise if you’re the right kind. Just like everywhere else. And he’s too tall to keep his head down.” That’s a joke, but it’s got that bitter sound to it Billy and Goody both get whenever the subject of height comes up. 

“It’s not my fucking fault you’re short.” 

“I wasn’t,” Billy drawls. “The first time. You were freakishly tall. You’re still tall.” 

That’s not untrue either. People were shorter, back then. Red had towered over most people. Meeting the others, that had been one of the few times in his life he remembers being on eye level with almost everyone he was speaking to. Or not speaking to. It’s a small part of why he’d been attracted to Teddy. He’d liked that they were the same height. “It’s still not my fault.”

They sit for a bit longer, Red giving up on the cigarette and putting it out. He liked smoking tobacco the first time, but it’s different now. It tastes wrong, and doesn’t feel the same. Probably a good thing, since he can’t buy them. He gives it back to Billy instead of leaving it on the driveway though, figuring he’ll smoke the rest of it eventually. And he doesn’t want to leave it. This neighborhood is pristine. It’s weird. 

“Is he happy here?” It’s a stupid question. Like he’s trying to hurt himself. 

But Billy shakes his head. “He didn’t tell me about you and him. Not for a long time. I suspected, but I didn’t push. When he told me, it made sense. He wasn’t depressed. But he wasn’t happy. Just like me. I missed Goody too much to be happy.” 

Red thinks about that. He was okay, once he found his way back to Sam and the rest of them. Once he felt like he could breathe again, he was okay. “I missed him. So much.” He was okay. But he wanted Teddy back. He wanted to be able to put his head down on Teddy’s chest again, and hear his heartbeat. 

That had been the only time Red had felt like he was safe. Because his heart had been safe, safe with him. 

“That’s one of the worst parts of loving someone,” Billy says. “When you miss them.”

Maybe that’s true. But Red thinks the worst part of loving someone is failing them. He didn’t protect Teddy. Or Emma. He’d loved her too, as a sister, but his pain had been too much, finally. Losing Vas, Sam, and then Teddy, on top of everything else. He just couldn’t do it anymore. And he’d left her alone. She says now that she understands, and she understood then, too. If anyone could, it’s her. It helps, but he still feels bad about it. He shouldn’t have left her like that. 

She’d at least died a natural death, or so she says. Red doubts she’d tell the truth if it was different. Emma’s like that. And she says he has the chance to make it up to her now. 

Inside again, Teddy’s cooking, while Goody hovers around him, looking about as useless as he usually does. Red seriously doesn’t understand how someone lives as long as him with no life skills. Even he can do basic shit, so he takes over, giving Goody a look that tells him to get out of the way. 

“What is this?” he asks. It smells fine, but he doesn’t recognize it. 

“Samosa chaat,” Teddy answers. “You’ll like this. I promise.” If anyone knows what Red will and won’t eat, it’s Teddy, so Red trusts him. 

“I don’t know what your mom and I will do without you,” Ruth says, drinking from a glass of wine. “We’ll have to feed ourselves. There’s a tragedy in the making.” She pours some more in the glass, but not much, from what Red can see. It’s one of those wine glasses he’s seen on TV, too big. “Though, actually, what will probably happen is that your mom will make me go to those cooking classes she’s been wanting to try. I should ground you, just for that.” 

It’s then that Red hears the garage, followed by someone coming inside. “I’m assuming the dirty truck in our driveway means Billy is here,” they call, appearing in the kitchen. This is Wendy, then, the doctor. She’s wearing scrubs, like what Josh is always wearing. “Hello, Billy.” She looks first at Goody, then Red. “And these are friends of yours?” 

“I texted you,” Ruth says, in a sing-song way. 

“My phone is dead,” Wendy replies, in the same tone. “And yes, I charged it. I’m telling you, it’s the battery. I need a new one.” She’s still looking at Red. Why do people always look at him so much? He doesn’t get it. 

Goody jumps right in, introducing himself, but Wendy holds up a hand. 

“Kid, I’ll be happy to meet you in about twenty minutes. Trust me, you want me to have showered and changed before you get anywhere near me.” 

“Fun day at work?” Ruth asks. 

“You don’t want to know,” Wendy says, before heading up the steps, shouting back, “You really don’t!” 

All Red knows about doctors is that they’re supposedly rich. He’s never met one of those though. Just whatever burnt-out GP was willing to do a rotation at the reservation clinic, and it wasn’t like there’d been the money or the insurance to even take him to see one of those. Judging from this house, she’s not doing any of those rotations any way. 

He feels less awkward like this though, helping Teddy. Red likes having something to do with his hands, likes having a purpose, when he’s in unfamiliar territory. It’s funny, but he felt this way less the first time. He’d scared most people too much for them to say a lot to him then. But he’d been a man then. He’s seventeen still, this time. And the world’s changed. 

He doesn’t want to think about the bad things. He never does. They follow him around though, feels like. Constantly reminding him of how his decisions have come back on him, how the world at large is still out to get him, despite the way it’s supposedly changed. His people still suffer, worse than ever. He’s still a man that a lot of people would happily see dead, for more than one reason. Every decision he makes still has risks. 

Beside him, Teddy is turning down the heat on the pan. 

Red questions everything because he has to. That’s his reality, in any life. But he’s never doubted his family, and he’s never doubted Teddy loves him. He just worries that Teddy isn’t doing enough questioning himself. 

He asks him that, the next morning. The sleeping arrangements were weird. Billy slept in Teddy’s room, on the futon that he seems to think is his, and Red shared the guest room with Goody. He didn’t mind it. Goody’s actually a quiet sleeper, usually, unless he has a nightmare. It just felt off, to be in the same house as Teddy, and not be with him. 

Teddy’s joined him in the backyard, where Red’s sitting on the garden swing, looking at the uneasily perfect green lawn. Goody and Billy are lying in the grass, doing whatever it is they do. Look at clouds. Talk about Shakespeare. 

“It was strange, not sleeping beside you,” Teddy says, sitting down beside him and pulling one of his legs up. “I can’t remember us ever sleeping apart when you were home, back then.” 

“You tried, sometimes,” Red reminds him. Teddy’s anger is quiet, but it has consequences. 

“If I remember right, I never stuck to it.” 

No, he didn’t. Which brings Red to his questions, ones he’s never asked. He didn’t need to, not then. “Why did you come to me that night?” 

He can see Teddy look at him, in the corner of his eye, then look back out at the lawn. “I was attracted to you. Don’t think anyone can hold that against me. Lord knows, when I was younger, that time, that was about all it took. I was always careful, but I was...lonely, I guess. After Matthew and me paired up, and he married Emma, I stopped that. I wasn’t willing to risk it, because of them. You were different though. I was in love with you.” Red risks looking at him, sees him shake his head. “I’d never felt like that. I told you, I knew what could happen. Didn’t happen the way I expected it to, but I knew it could. And I did care. I didn’t want to die. I just...I loved you, more than I was afraid, I guess. I wanted to be with you, I wanted to love you, more than anything else.” He shoulders Red lightly. “Does that answer your question?”

Maybe. It mostly does. But he has a lot to lose this time, too. A comfortable life, all laid out. This house, school, and then some college. A normal boyfriend, one who doesn’t remember another life, and one who’s maybe better at this than Red is. One who doesn’t carry everything that Red is still carrying. “You know it’s still a lot, being with me.” 

“Yeah,” Teddy says. “I know. Red, I...I know I can’t understand everything you go through. I couldn’t then either. But I see how it hurts you. How it hurt you then. And I’d rather be with you, to do whatever it is I can, even if it’s just being with you.” He pauses, and pushes the swing a little. It’s not hot out, not really, despite it being June. “I don’t know what’s bothering you, Red. But I do know I want to go down for the summer. I want to see Emma, and Matthew. I want to live with Sam and Vasquez again. You’re not the only person I’ve been missing, Red. Hell, I’m not doing so great without Billy.” When Red looks at him, he shrugs. “Don’t be telling him that. He’ll never let it go.” 

“It’ll be different. Down there.” Harder. They’re not poor, not the way Red was before in this time. But the money Raven, Jack, and Sam bring in only goes so far. Goody coming out to join them was lucky. His father in this life sends him a stipend every month, and it makes things more comfortable. Billy’s working too now, as a line cook at some restaurant in town. And Red will work too, soon. It’s always good to have more money. 

“I know that.” They can’t touch right now, but they couldn’t before either. It bothers him more now though. Because they _can_ , back home. “Red, if you don’t actually want me to come down there, now’s the time to say it, alright?” 

That’s not a far leap to make. Red can’t blame him, but he’s already said how he feels about that. “I want you with me.” 

“Then why are you trying to push me away?” 

Is that what he’s doing? Maybe. He doesn’t know. When Teddy came back to him, it felt right. Like it was supposed to happen. He felt that way the first time, too. When Teddy had told him about how his family had sent him west, to keep him safe, Red had thought that it was supposed to go that way, that they were meant to find one another. Teddy had found him again. But he’s not being sent away, this time. 

Billy and Goody are too far away to hear them. They’re laughing about something anyway, Goody gesturing up at the sky. 

The first time, when him and Teddy would go up into the hills, take Wild Jack up for exercise, they would always find somewhere to sit. Up in the rocks, or by the water. It was one of the only times Teddy would read out loud. That was usually Vas’ job. But Teddy would do it, if it was just them, reading aloud from whatever books the rest of them had managed to pick up on jobs. It was usually trash, even Red knew that. But he’d liked it.

“What was that thing,” Red asks, “from the Bible? That you you used to say about me?”

“‘And I looked and behold! A pale horse, and its rider’s name was Death’,” Teddy quotes. “You thought it was funny.” 

He did. And he’d liked that Teddy was thinking about him, even when he wasn’t there, enough to point out the passage to him when he’d come home. He’d liked that Teddy seemed to think about him as much as he did, when he was away on jobs. Because he had. He had thought about him. “When I was out with Sam and Vasquez,” he says, considering what he’s about to admit, making sure he has the words right. “On jobs. Away. I used to think about you. I would think that maybe, while I was gone, you’d figure out you could have an easier life if you took up with someone else. Someone different.” 

“Someone that was white,” Teddy clarifies. He doesn’t sound angry. Just sad. “Wasn’t a new story, back then. Two bachelors running a farm on their own. People wouldn’t have said anything. Wouldn’t have thought twice.” Now he goes quiet, and Red feels so _young_. They’re both so young this time. All his worry then, it had been as a man, and it had been like a wave crashing against the rocks, quickly followed by another, different one. This wave feels bigger now. He feels weaker. “Yeah, Red. I had that option. I had it more than once.” 

Red could have guessed that. 

“I always picked you. Never even thought about it.” 

He looks at him, at Teddy. He loves looking at him. Red was adrift, before he met Sam. And then Sam gave him a home, and in that place, Red found Teddy. Quiet and gentle. But steadfast, always. Those worries then, they’d been there, they’d been real, but for some reason, they’d never held the weight they do in this life. “What about now?” 

They’re out of view enough that Teddy must think it’s safe to touch him, his hand in Red’s, their fingers interlocking. “I didn’t want to leave, when I was down there. I felt like I had come home. I can have two of those, you know. There’s no rule that says I can’t.” He squeezes their hands, and Red holds on. They’re maybe sitting a little too close now, but it’s a small swing. “When you were gone, out on jobs, I’d still wake up, expect you to be there. That morning, down at the ranch, when I woke up, and you were there, I…”

He’d bitched about the sunlight coming in through the blinds. Turned over in the bed, pushed his face against Red’s chest. Grabbed onto his shirt, tugging, getting after him for not hanging up curtains, but still letting Red push him down on the bed, kiss him. Teddy had complained then, too, said Red needed to brush his teeth, but he’d still kissed him back. Still wanted him, wanted Red. 

They’d gone into town together, not really doing anything but walking around, Red showing him where everything was. But in this time, Teddy had reached out, and grabbed Red’s hand while they walked. Because they could do that now. He’d even kissed Red in public. They could do that. They can be together. 

It had felt like the best thing Red had ever had, in any life. It scares him. That he can have that, because if he can have it, it can be taken away. He’s felt that loss, the permanent kind. It felt like it killed him. And in this life, he’d remembered alone, more alone than anyone could understand. Everything had been taken from him. His culture, their land, his family, and this. This small, fragile, thing. 

“I’m scared,” he admits. Because that’s what all this is, isn’t it? He’s still scared of all the bad things that can happen, all the pain that could come. He’s scared he’ll be the one who causes it. That he won’t be able to get it right. That this life will be just like the last one, and Red will lose everything. 

“Okay,” Teddy says. “So what does that mean? For you and me?” 

He’s not sure, not really. He doesn’t think there’s anything he can do about it.

Except try. That’s what Vas is always telling him. That’s what everyone is always telling him. He wants to, he just feels like he can’t. Like everything is stuck in a holding pattern, and if he disrupts it, he’s risking too much. He never felt like this, the first time. This is new, this fear and anxiety that’s got their claws in him. 

But he got curtains. And he wants to show Teddy everything on the ranch. Wants to be able to talk to him. To sleep beside him. “I just don’t want to fuck this up.” 

Teddy’s expression changes, turns less serious. “Knowing you, you will definitely piss me off at some point. And we’ll fight. We fought then, too. And if you remember, sometimes I pissed you off.” He had. Sometimes he was too passive, and it annoyed Red. Sometimes he’d taken Sam’s side in things. Little things, all the little things that make up a life. “I know what I want, Red. But if that’s not what you want, then I’ll live with it. Move on.” 

Now Red feels himself relax a little, the airy, almost bored tone telling him just what Teddy’s not saying. “That easy?”

“No, but Jamaal would be really -” 

He doesn’t care if anyone’s watching. He doesn’t, not for right this minute, when he grabs Teddy, pulls him close, so Teddy can tuck his head under Red’s chin, his knee over Red’s. “I’m better looking,” he mutters. 

“You’re so weird,” Teddy laughs. “You are so incredibly weird, do you know that?” 

Red nods, knowing Teddy can feel it, even as they pull apart. 

He’s looking at Red, smiling. “I’m scared too, you know. That’s normal. But I think it’ll be okay. In the end. I think this time, it’ll be okay.” 

There’s still a big part of Red that isn’t sure. But he wants to believe Teddy. So for right now, that’s what he’s going to have to do, he thinks. 

It takes up until the day they’re leaving though, that he maybe starts too. He’s sitting outside, waiting for everyone else to be ready to go, the sun just barely coming up, when Wendy comes out onto the front porch with him, handing him a bottle of the cold brew that her and Ruth keep in the fridge. “Ruth says you seem to like this stuff,” she says. 

He nods, takes it. Goody makes it in batches at home, and he drinks more of it than he probably should, but even in the first time, he liked coffee a lot. And they buy the kind sweetened with cane sugar. “Thanks,” he manages. 

“You’re welcome.” She crosses her arms, leans against one of the posts. “I like your bracelet.” 

He’d honestly forgotten he was wearing it. It’s braided leather and rainbow thread, with some beads. He’d bought it from a stand at a street fair he’d gone to with Sam, years back. Him being defiant, he guesses. He’s never been ashamed of who he is, and he wasn’t going to hide it. Not this time. 

Wendy is eyeing it, and then him. “So, you got a boyfriend waiting for you, back home?” Technically, he’s not lying when he shakes his head. But then she says, “Good, because if you ever cheat on my son, I will make you disappear.” It startles him enough he stares at her, but she doesn’t look impressed. “Oh, come on, kid. I’m not stupid. And Theo can’t lie to save his life.” 

He doesn’t know what to expect, but it’s not for her to push off from the post, and smooth the back of her sweater down as she sits beside him on the steps. He doesn’t know what to say. 

“Theo’s seventeen,” she says. “I can’t believe it, half the time, but he is. And he’s our only child, and he is a sweet boy, so I don’t think Ruth and I can be blamed for keeping him close. But, he’s not a child anymore. Going to visit friends, wanting to be a little more independent. Getting a boyfriend. Those are all normal things.” She huffs. “I don’t have to like it, and I don’t. But I don’t want him to think he has to hide things from me, either. And I really don’t like that my son apparently thinks I was never young.” 

Red’s not sure what one has to do with the other, and she doesn’t explain, seems to just expect him to know. She moves on, anyway. 

“You have a job?” He nods. He starts this summer. “Clean driving record?” Another nod. “Ever been in trouble?” 

Lying to this woman’s face seems like a bad idea, so he nods. “Fights at school.” He holds up his hand, the one with the bracelet. “Mostly about this.” Wasn’t even the white kids who usually tried to start shit with him, but it was like that, at the high school. If they had, the repercussions would have been big. But the other Native kids, mostly Navajo, down there, they’d had shit to say to him. 

“Been there,” she replies. “That why you don’t live with your parents?” There’s a lot of reasons for that, but this is one, too, so he sort of shrugs and nods at once. “Been there, too. My parents didn’t come around until Ruth and I adopted Theo. They had to pick between their ‘traditional values’ and seeing their only grandson. They picked their grandson. Now you wouldn’t even know my father hated Ruth. They play tennis together. That’s how it is with kids. You’d give up anything for them.” 

Now he thinks he kind of understands what she’s getting at, maybe. “You pick Teddy?” 

“I don’t know why people call him that,” she says, more to herself than him. “And yeah. I’m always on his side. He’s my son. So if this is what he really wants, what’ll make him happy, I will grit my teeth and learn to live with it.”

Saying he loves Teddy isn’t smart. As far as Wendy and Ruth know, they just met. But he does say, “I care about him.” 

“That’s good, otherwise you’d have problems.” She pats him on the shoulder, which he isn’t sure he likes. “I love my son. I will kill for him.” Then she stands up, and goes back into the house.

The four of them get going before eight, intending on getting home without having to stop over today. They should be able to, but if they can’t, they’ve got the money to stay somewhere. Teddy sits in the front with him, not even arguing when Billy goes through his bag and finds Teddy’s tablet, settling into his seat with it. Goody’s already asleep again after about an hour. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Teddy put the window down, put his hand out the window. Feel the air. They’ll switch off at some point, before the state line. 

It was a strange conversation, that one with Wendy. But weirdly enough, it made Red feel a lot better. Like maybe this time, it really will all end up okay.


End file.
